It seems I'm at the center again. The place where the dam broke and became the catalyst for so much introspection and hyper-sensitive decision about how I was going to live out my days and the person I was to become. I've marked that day on my calendar, in blood no less, and use it as a reference point to determine the timeline of my life. Through miles and miles of memory and effort and regret...it was a big bang. One that certainly forced me to become the person I am today, for better or worse. Mostly better. I owe that time in my life a "thank you" note, and at the same time I owe it a shot to the face with fists clenched. I guess I owe it what's fair. To be acknowledged seems fair. To write some dizzying manifesto might do it justice, but I think everything I've touched since has left fingerprints all over the place.
All footnotes and diversions have been washed in bleach and driven away. I just need a handful of evenings to figure out an infinite equation that few have ever solved, much less even attempted. I've cleared all the lanes. I've paid all my debts. I've cleansed the system. Flushed the pipes. I've armed myself, and wiped off the windshield. It's time to process and make some sense of my staggering sentimentality...to see if it's ever justified...because if I can't reconcile it now, I'll never be able to make a case for it in the coming days. More importantly, it's time to project what it means to me moving forward. Two steaming locomotives marching towards collision. It's high-noon and here we are, staring each other in the face again.
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