You know what I love about you...

...is that you sleep so tight next to me. That you concern yourself with innocence around me. You can do what you feel comfortable with around me...nobody's watching. That you don't know when he posts writings about you, but I DO! I know what he says, and it's interesting! Let's me know what you never told me. He's single-handedly giving you up! Poor guy...poor girl. Honesty would've been nice. It's all I ever did for you. That you hold me dear, but you're too afraid to mention it. That you have dreams about me, same as I do you. Tattooed on the eyelids was something I said first. Maybe they're not about me...maybe they're about someone else...probably. No need to get self-confident, I'm sure you'll tell me that I'm way off base...it's like you to do that. I know you better than anybody else though. You'll never understand because you don't want to. I love that when you feel lonely you might come to me! That's a confidnce builder in itself. Makes me feel good about myself. I also love that you'll forgive me for this because I'm shit-wasted! You always were forgiving when you wanted to be, and I was always forgiving no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT! NO MATTER WHAT! NO MATTER WHAT! NO MATTER WHAT! Because that's what you loved about me. That I ALWAYS loved you. Turned the other cheek aside...me, a saint? NO...not at all...but, fallen, YES! Concerned about you and only you...YES! I'll probably erase this tomorrow and I hope you don't see it. Why do you still try to keep in touch with me? Don't you know that it's deader than dead? Of course it was...you checked out long before it even died. Sad thing is, I quite haven't...well that's not entirely true. That's what I love about you...you know this! Smart girl you are. Witty, beautiful, intelligent beyond reason, soft, warm, passionate, beyond reach, inquisitive, exciting, poison (wonder if I'll ever meet another like you)...probably won't and that's a good thing and a bad thing. I say that I won't reference you anymore, and I shouldn't, being that you've found another, but I'm a bleeding heart and my heart bleeds like a sieve for you. There's no tourniquet that will cut this shit off. It's only mind over matter with this issue and I wish I had the fortitude...I do..I'm kidding. I will someday. This won't bother you anymore, not that it does anyways. I think you revel in the fact that I still pine for you...and that's what I love about you. You're more than self-confident...more than assured of your greatness. You've bought into it. As well you should...you are GREAT! And I love you for it. I just want to know what it was about me? WHAT WAS IT? WHAT WAS IT? WHAT WAS IT? WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME THAT PUSHED YOU AWAY?????

You say I am as the Wilco song says, "I'm always in love." Truth being, I actually am not. YOU are the one who is always in love. I remain with one ideal, while you carry two or three or four or five. I just have one reserved. You were just disgusted that it was you.

Doesn't matter, I'm pushed. Sliding into home with a ghost man on third, bringing up the rear. Playing a game with myself, while you're playing a game with the world. I hope you're winning...it's looks like you might be! That's what I love about you. Adaptable, driven, confident, self-doubt doesn't cross your mind. You make the situation what you want it to be. Wish I could do that, but I play ball by a different set of rules. Maybe that was it...a bore. I was a bore. I WAS A BORE. I WAS A BORE. I WAS A BORE. I WAS A BORE. ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

*sigh*

You know what I love about you...you're insecurities...because they're secure. Secure with me, and secure with the world. I hope you're treated right...you deserve it. You deserve happiness. You used to be such a happy girl. I hope that you have found that again...sounds like you have. Honesty...few and far between for me. I disappoint people, I disappoint myself, I disappoint you.

You know what I love about you? I love that you are the one...

You know what I hate about you? I hate that I love you.

Actually, I really don't care. Inebriation makes me nostalgic though...with regret following in the morn...I'm sure I'll do it again, because I am, as they (or you) say...a bleeding heart. EXCITING....I hope you're bothered by this!! I am.