I still find myself reading my Scorpio horoscopes first when I open up the paper, and disturbingly, I find that I read your Libra explanation immediately after. I like to think that it gives me some insight into what you might be doing or thinking, or feeling in your little world. I imaginatively create a panoramic scenario where you're fitting your life's duties, and callings into whatever your Libran horoscope reads. I see you shuffling around, trying to bring order to your life when the moon is in whatever, or wherever. I picture you making changes, advancing careers, finding lovers, discarding failures, taking time to smell the roses, giving thanks, praying, letting people down, propping people up, forgiving, maintaining your health, and all the million other actions and events that weave a life. I've read it when I probably should have been reading someone else's at that present moment in time, but I always gravitate towards you.
I wonder if maybe you might do the same thing with anything, and remember me. Do you?
Although they're getting fewer and far between, I still have moments when my stomach turns over in knots, like it's doing a backflip off a cliff. It doesn't take anything concussive...it's mostly simplistic moments when you come rushing back into my head and heart, and my brain releases some chemical akin to adrenaline that makes my stomach feel like it was hit with lightning. A song, or a smell, or a certain line from a movie that we watched together.
I wonder if I'm still madly in love with you?
or
I wonder if maybe I'm madly in love with the idea of you?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thank the Good Heaven's for Folk Heroes
I CANNOT STOP listening to this guy (Josh Ritter). His lyrics, man. Especially this song:
"TO THE DOGS OR WHOEVER"
Or this one:
"GIRL IN THE WAR"
I'd give my right foot to write two songs that good, and on some plain I feel like I maybe could've written them.
I turned a few friends on to him. I explain it by saying that I think he's the kind of guy who probably drinks rye-whiskey when he reads the Bible.
That's about all I'd need to know.
"TO THE DOGS OR WHOEVER"
Or this one:
"GIRL IN THE WAR"
I'd give my right foot to write two songs that good, and on some plain I feel like I maybe could've written them.
I turned a few friends on to him. I explain it by saying that I think he's the kind of guy who probably drinks rye-whiskey when he reads the Bible.
That's about all I'd need to know.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
California Dreamin'
All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey.
Drive, drive, drive, drive...
That song on the radio, perfectly ringing note for note in my head. It assists in painting the setting. It is cloudy and it feels cold.
Around the corner where the houses on the cliffs sit watching the ocean's waves break. I can tell this is one of those where you know you're aware, but I won't wake up because I want to see what happens.
For some reason, my brain decides to initiate that sequence. It'll open that file by hacking the security code and bring these images to life. The cinematography in this one is always spectacular. The colors are surreal and the dialogue is intense. I can even hear the waves break on the beach. I can even hear the break of other notable items. I should change the code again.
The song keeps playing as the soundtrack until the very God-forsaken-unresolved end.
California dreamin
On such a winters day.
And the sky is grey.
Drive, drive, drive, drive...
That song on the radio, perfectly ringing note for note in my head. It assists in painting the setting. It is cloudy and it feels cold.
Around the corner where the houses on the cliffs sit watching the ocean's waves break. I can tell this is one of those where you know you're aware, but I won't wake up because I want to see what happens.
For some reason, my brain decides to initiate that sequence. It'll open that file by hacking the security code and bring these images to life. The cinematography in this one is always spectacular. The colors are surreal and the dialogue is intense. I can even hear the waves break on the beach. I can even hear the break of other notable items. I should change the code again.
The song keeps playing as the soundtrack until the very God-forsaken-unresolved end.
California dreamin
On such a winters day.
Friday, February 15, 2008
The Edge
There's something to be said about raising a flag. It symbolizes mobility, I suppose. I've just never had the foresight to find out what my flag displays...or so I think on this day. There's been times when I've said to myself that I'm at my best when I have something to fight for. But what becomes of us when the fight leaves? Or the reasons to fight disappear?
In a cradle of comfort, you can lose your edge and things start to dull. I guess the acuteness of your surroundings keeps you sharp. So if you are fighting for something, like say an ideal, or a dream, or a person, the wetstone is always present. Your head stays on a swivel and vigilance is something that comes natural. I've always bought into the line of thought that contentment was good and complacency was bad. But I think it's incredibly easy to get those two confused. Because contentment means that you're satisfied with the situation at present, no matter the situation. It could really be shit, but if you're finding contentment in all that surrounds you, you're carrying some sort of self-awareness for whatever that's worth. Complacency however I think is synonymous with laziness. Idle hands and idle minds do what they do. At least I know what mine do and I sorta shudder at that thought. But inertia gives you an open door out of complacency.
My greatest fear in life is to be caged. Caged by relationships, caged by a wheel-spinning career, caged by finances, caged by material possessions, caged by my own actions in which I seemingly put myself in checkmate in certain regards, caged by leases, or deadlines, or expectations (from myself and others), so on and so forth. Caged by anything really. It has shown itself to be a detrimental personality trait in several circumstances, but it has also kept me from entirely melting down. Ironically, I think the thing that cages me the most is fear itself. Afraid of this, afraid of that. I'm not afraid of anything tangible. I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm not afraid of dying, I do not fear the reaper. But I AM afraid of failure. I also think I may be afraid of success as a direct result. My biggest fear is that I'll look back on my life and see that I didn't accomplish all that I could have, or at least something meaningful while I had the chance. I suppose nobody ever really does, but I think we have a certain sense, like an untapped sense, of the heights we know we can attain. In being fair to ourselves, I think we really do know just how much we're capable of, and with that, what we're incapable of. I suppose it rattles you a bit to truly stand face to face with these realizations, but I can see it as being a fairly useful weapon in your arsenal.
I guess I'm just blabbing about how I feel like I've lost an edge, but somehow feel like I'm more focused right now. Does that make sense? Not really. I just took on a second job, and I start tonight. Sometimes I want to stand up very monkey-like on top of a building or large rock, or something of considerable height and beat my chest like Kong. But I don't really know that I would be proclaiming anything important. Maybe I'll just raise a flag, and wildly beat my chest underneath it proclaiming no fears except those of failure....and rattlesnakes.
Hold on Cory Will, this ain't gonna be easy.
In a cradle of comfort, you can lose your edge and things start to dull. I guess the acuteness of your surroundings keeps you sharp. So if you are fighting for something, like say an ideal, or a dream, or a person, the wetstone is always present. Your head stays on a swivel and vigilance is something that comes natural. I've always bought into the line of thought that contentment was good and complacency was bad. But I think it's incredibly easy to get those two confused. Because contentment means that you're satisfied with the situation at present, no matter the situation. It could really be shit, but if you're finding contentment in all that surrounds you, you're carrying some sort of self-awareness for whatever that's worth. Complacency however I think is synonymous with laziness. Idle hands and idle minds do what they do. At least I know what mine do and I sorta shudder at that thought. But inertia gives you an open door out of complacency.
My greatest fear in life is to be caged. Caged by relationships, caged by a wheel-spinning career, caged by finances, caged by material possessions, caged by my own actions in which I seemingly put myself in checkmate in certain regards, caged by leases, or deadlines, or expectations (from myself and others), so on and so forth. Caged by anything really. It has shown itself to be a detrimental personality trait in several circumstances, but it has also kept me from entirely melting down. Ironically, I think the thing that cages me the most is fear itself. Afraid of this, afraid of that. I'm not afraid of anything tangible. I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm not afraid of dying, I do not fear the reaper. But I AM afraid of failure. I also think I may be afraid of success as a direct result. My biggest fear is that I'll look back on my life and see that I didn't accomplish all that I could have, or at least something meaningful while I had the chance. I suppose nobody ever really does, but I think we have a certain sense, like an untapped sense, of the heights we know we can attain. In being fair to ourselves, I think we really do know just how much we're capable of, and with that, what we're incapable of. I suppose it rattles you a bit to truly stand face to face with these realizations, but I can see it as being a fairly useful weapon in your arsenal.
I guess I'm just blabbing about how I feel like I've lost an edge, but somehow feel like I'm more focused right now. Does that make sense? Not really. I just took on a second job, and I start tonight. Sometimes I want to stand up very monkey-like on top of a building or large rock, or something of considerable height and beat my chest like Kong. But I don't really know that I would be proclaiming anything important. Maybe I'll just raise a flag, and wildly beat my chest underneath it proclaiming no fears except those of failure....and rattlesnakes.
Hold on Cory Will, this ain't gonna be easy.
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