The future is scary. It's a wide-open world of unknown, that can send your brain on a carnival-style rotation, whirling around, trying to analyze where you're going to be and what you're going to do. Splintered thoughts generate different circumstances and paths to follow...each with their own conclusion and end result. It's maddening trying to decide which of these paths to follow and see where it takes us, be it a good idea, or a horrible misjudgement.
The past is the easiest to live in because no matter how good or completely fucked it was...it was familiar. Being a creature of habit, like most of us are in one way or another, it's somewhat comforting, albeit a little massochistic, to live in the past. No matter what happened to you, you can't change it and you're effectively spinning your wheels if your state of mind is enveloped in things that happened before now.
The present, by all rational thought, should be where we're focused. Because it's the things we do in the present that will direct our future in one way or another. So by living for the future, we are missing out on what may direct that future in the present. And the present is by nature an ephemeral entity. A short-lived being that sometimes seems dull with no benefits attached, but it's this "brevity of now" that indirectly leads us to the later. I've been pulling my hair out trying to figure this shit out.
Right now I feel like every decision I make, every thought I have, every feeling I express is something I should have done in the past, or hoping that it has a desired outcome for the future. Instead of living the day for the day, and then playing the hand I'm dealt, I am looking for the home-run before I'm even on deck to start my practice swings. It seems that everything I do at this point is pivotal to rest of my life. In a broad sense that may be true, but not to the extent I'm taking it. It seems that everything I say, everything I consider, everything I do is going to affect the rest of my life, and I'm too focused on the end result of these things instead of just letting the dominoes fall where they may.
One of my friends told me the other day that real men make decisions, be it right or wrong, they make them and stick to them. Indecision is the worst. It's all-consuming and leads to worry, which leads to uncertainty, which by this time, leads to failure or at least breakdown because you couldn't make up your mind and driven yourself so crazy that the time has past or you're expectations are so jaded, your point of view has turned negative and any positive affirmation has flown the coop...almost cowardly.
I've got a friend who is basically a fucking "chicken-little." The sky is always falling and crashing down with no hope. A bit of an alarmist you might say. I can't be like that. I consider myself cynnically optimistic, with low expectations of anything I'm involved in, but on the other hand, I'm willing to give it my best try and see what happens. Nothing is guaranteed, but if negativity is the attitude you carry, life will surprisingly imitate your state of mind. If you think you can't do it...you won't. If you think you can do it, then you have a better chance of making it happen, even though there's a chance it might not. If you give up from the get-go, you can go ahead and mail it in as a failed attempt. A positive approach is the best way, because what have you got to lose. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but at least you tried, and if by a stroke of luck or blessing from above, it does work...then my friend...be thankful and keep at it.
I've basically been doing some intense soul-searching lately, and I'm finding a few things out about myself. My weaknesses, my strengths, and my ability to adapt to certain situations and try to make the best out of them, even when every thing I want to happen is probably not going to. So that leads me back to the present. I can't change the past, and the future will meet me when I get there. I'll shake it's hand and say, "Well, where do we go from here?"
Cory Will
4 comments:
Cynically optimistic. You and me both. I always tend to prepare for the worst, so I won't be disappointed, and then when the worst actually happens, I try to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
And the wonderful thing about the past is that it's just what it is. It's the past. We've all made mistakes (Lord knows I have made 5 mistakes for every one good decision I've made), and we can't change it, so we learn from it. And if we don't, we get that same mistake over and over again until we DO learn it.
And to top of this motivational speech that I'm giving:
The beautiful thing about the future is that it IS scary. It's really fucking scary, and that's what makes it exciting. I can't wait to see what you do!! I can't wait to see what we BOTH do. We're gonna kick ass, Cory. No matter what kind of shit the present is throwing at us. And I'm glad that you're giving yourself time for you!
There was a Filter song with that title that came out when we were in college "Where Do We Go From Here." It one of those total end-of-school-year-last-party-ever cliche videos. But it was a good message in the song. You probably hated it because that is how you are with music.
I'm so intensely bored at work today.
Oh. That was me about the song, but I'm not a "blogger" and I forgot to put me name. Technology confuses me.
I got a promotion!
This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.
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