Old Habits Die Hard

Discipline is a major concern. But hooray, we all fall down, right? There seems to be no forthright answer to anything regarding motive for actions or causal circumstance. Everything gets hazy, and when it gets hazy, decisions get sloppy. Laughter always comes before confusion, and there's always a palatable static in the air when I know I'm going to be stepping off the plank, falling off the wagon, if you will. It's like there's a tangible force that pulls at us.

Someone once told me, "it's possible to have everything." Fuck that. Maybe. But what bothers me more than anything is people who see something they want and will stop at nothing to achieve it. Often times, their periphery is blinded to the fact that they fist-fucked a line of people to get there. But I'm a hypocrite, because I've done the same thing. Maybe it is possible to have everything, but I think that statement was taken out of context, because I'm a firm believer that you CAN'T have everything. I know people who are in love with the world, (and who's not to some degree...I know quite a few people who'd say I am), but that love affair ALWAYS ends in heartache. You never break-up with the world, the world breaks up with you. It's my opinion that you maneuver through the world as best you can, and take the opportunities that are given you, and you either make the right decision or you don't. But this insatiable appetite to gain, and experience, and hold everything in the palm of your hands is ridiculous. You (I) end up swimming in a wake of consequence and betrayal. I am ridiculous and comical, if not totally hypocritical. I just struggle with myself sometimes.

Epiphanies regularly find me after sweaty nights. I'm stoked I'll be watching the Pacific sunset very soon.

Ryan Adams' new album came out today. Good thing too....I can drown myself in his melancholy. Robert told me that I am his clone. Now, that might be a bit too flattering, but he said he understood my affinity for the guy. A large and prolonged and satisfied smile followed.


Sunshine, bunnies, rainbows, puppies, daisies, ice cream, Root Beer floats, grandma's house, Super Bowl parties, Christmas gifts, Amy Grant, roller coasters, pinatas, homecomings, belly laughs, best friends, Sunday afternoons... !!!