Scathing

Fuck it. I'm not censoring myself anymore.

Sigh...forgive me....this has been a long time coming....












When those looks you've got have run out of gas, good luck finding yourself in the ashes that remain. Good God...you stupid fucking idiot. You're a nothing girl. Nothing whatsoever. A fucking bookend for my interests. Tonight I normally would've called to talk to my loved ones to get me through the stress, but the simple fact of the matter is I just don't fucking care. Because you're forgettable. In fact, I would purposely not bring you around the people I cared about the most because I was fucking embarrassed by you. Because you're a vapid, shallow shell of a woman. You drink TOO MUCH. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF. And you drink too much because you can't handle the cards that life dealt you. It became too much. I remember the exact moment in time when I was done with you, and there were several. Something inside me tells me how fortunate I am to be rid of your methods and bullshit pandering. Actually, you're despicable. You're everything I've tried not to become throughout the whole of my life. What was tricky about you was the way you hid everything behind a mix of attraction and pseudo-humility. But you don't give a rat fuck about anybody other than yourself. It's your world and the rest of us are just paying rent. So you could possibly come at me with the dissent that is offered for those who know they're getting (and furthering) a situation that is wrong for them. Save it. I know all of this. I know where I went wrong. I guess we all do with some people. It's the great fault of everyone of us. I wrapped you in a package of something that ran parallel with what I was looking for because you were so good at talking the same speak that I wanted to hear, but you placed yourself into that category of people I despise when you opened your mouth on one too many occasions. I don't really blame you. Trust me, I blame myself more than you know, but I've got to say...blessed is how I feel to be out from underneath your love for the insane. And you are insane. The shit that would come out of your mouth...shit man. Someone telling you how pretty you are and the attention you need will get you through any day. YOU HAVE NO DEPTH. You use the things close to our hearts to draw people in, but you FUCK THEM over and over again. Even your best friends. Fuck...even your family. I can't even look at you the same way. You're fucking ridiculous. To think that I even gave you a tenth of redemption and encouragement to get over the stupid decisions you've made makes me cringe. Yeah, I judged you. Even though I wouldn't let you know that. Because people who do what you do deserve it and rightly so. We're not young and blissfully blind anymore. So you think I'm the asshole. Because I was honest? Honest about everything. But you hide, and you take, and you take, and you take, and you take, and you take. The best part of all of this is that I couldn't really care any less (other than the five minutes its taking me to write this), but I've let you say the things that you've wanted to say. All the while staying quiet and letting you live your life the way you want. You might even be able to group me with those people who don't have the balls to tell you what you need to hear, but I don't care because it's really not worth it. I don't want to hear your excuses and your pleas for forgiveness. I don't want to invest myself in a lost cause. So yes, I'm not saying this to your face, but it's because it's not worth the effort. It never was. I rolled my eyes then; I roll my eyes now.

Okay...I feel better.

Now we smile, and we put one foot in front of the other.

High fives and butt slaps all around.