Ever the vigilant, I know that life can tell me to have a fucking seat at any moment. It's not that I have a morbid sense of impending doom, but I think we do have to carry a circumspect ambition towards most things in life. If nothing else, it allows us to be prepared.
Because of this, or more naturally, in spite of this, I feel strongly compelled to give credence to the way I've been feeling lately and how my environment has been emitting a (very welcomed) nice warm glow.
George Bernard Shaw said, "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." I like that quote. Not because I'm cynical, but because it recognizes the (what would seem to be an obvious fact) ever present element that life can be downright fucking rotten sometimes; what with human frailty, the presence of pure evil around every corner, death, disease, and good intentions gone awry...and to deny this is ignorance. However, it takes a certain amount of effort to keep from viewing the world this way in totality. The yin, the yang...I suppose. Light, dark.
Screaming non-sequitur: It's why I love the movie No Country For Old Men so much. I was always baffled as to why people didn't understand this movie. "I didn't get it. What was it about? It just ended like that???" The whole movie is about chaos theory and how we can't stop what's coming to us and the total lack of control thereof. There are themes of boredom interspersed with flash storms of violence. Elements that have forever plagued the human condition. But we're equipped with quite possibly the most formidable weapon with which to fight back. Hope. All you need to know about that whole movie and the hypothesis it suggests is to listen very closely to Tommie Lee Jones' monologue at the very end. The Coen brothers give the secret away at the end in, what I'd say is, the most genius of ways. The last minute-and-a-half is exactly what that movie is trying to say.
Point being, there's enough desperation to go around, and desperation is a wanderer. That's why it's so important to take in the freedom of harmony, and allow yourself to accept serenity when we find it.
Gratitude.
I am so thankful for the things I have, the people I know, the people I love, the people I have loved, the experiences I've had, the people who have helped to shape me, and the person I have become...and all that it entails.
I love this wonderful city where I reside. There is no place I would rather be. I think of the many twists and turns my life could've taken if I'd decided one way or another on so many things that seemed oh so important at the time, and I'm so thankful that I'm here, in this city, writing this right now.
I love my friends. The old adage about the measure of a man being found in his friends is true. They're all so unique and different and this entertains and amuses and warms me. But they all share common ground in that they're good people. So many good people.
I love my family. I love my family. I love my family. I love my family. I love my family. I love my family. I love my family. I love my family. I love them in a way that can never be contained by spoken word or harnessed by a thought or communication. I love them so much.
The opportunities I've been afforded are a king's ransom. Like all, I'm guilty of apathy and frustration at times, but I've been provided for by the universe every step of the way. In fact, I've been overcompensated. There's a quiet confidence that is growing in me, and the places I want to be are looking more clearly defined. I want the courage and determination. I want to line my fears up and step into the ring with them.
I've been in love. I've been in love with them, and they've been in love with me.
The older I get the more apparent it is to me that every moment we have here is to be cherished and that we truly are fleeting and fragile and beautiful. I can see it all around, and I can feel it inside. I can think about it, I can sing about it, I can write about it, and I can manifest it. That was given to me for no other reason than for me to have it. That is fascinating.
So I sit here at 30 years old with as much hope as I can ever remember.
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This is one of the sweetest songs I have ever heard and I love it.
2 comments:
I was just touting your name to a new friend of mine ... telling her what a magnificent writer you are and how I am consistently jealous and in awe of your poetic, eloquent and effortless writing. And as I sit here at the coffee shop writing yet another nursing paper I am especially jealous, not only that I don't have your talents but also that there's someone sitting next to you taking that coveted seat for granted. please take this time to look at the mexican emmster picture I drew for you once and try to imagine my epic fail in trying to be a puppeteer.
Dude...you're a hell of a writer. You just caused me to waste about 30 minutes of time that I didn't have to waste when I clicked your name from a comment on Rachel's post.
I'll make up the time somehow.
Oh and I have spent the last year trying to find a band that does for me what The Avett Brothers do for me. If I could put it in words maybe I could find that band.
Many props.
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