Park Your Integrity Right Here

A good friend recently expounded on nothing less than the merits of integrity. Inspiration comes in all forms.

Sometimes I wonder if I have the good sense. The kind of sense it takes to paddle in between the shores of life's long river. I like to think that I do. I think through effective and purposed raising, some of this was branded on my hide. Even while I was squirming to get away.

But I also do that. I do get away with it sometimes. That's the rub. I could dive into the abyss here and wrestle with the different colors of moral conviction and the directive benefits and ruthless cage of guilt. However, I will not.

It's like I read on some wall somewhere. "When I was little, I wanted a bike really bad. So I thought I'd work really hard, pray for it, and then I'd deserve it. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole it and asked for forgiveness."

I don't believe it's an inherent personality trait that's been decided for me, or anyone for that matter. In fact, I've found (to my own detriment) that my "politeness" has worked against me, in a counter-active way. Just as someone might find their ruthless intentions negatively influencing their environment. My friends often tell me I'm "too polite." That sounds awfully self-indulgent, but in some respects it's ridiculously fucking true.

I'm also not saying that you hand-pick where to apply your integrity. It should be held steadfast at all times (I do really believe this...I'm not trying to convince myself). I also know that we all stumble in this regard. Quite often, even when there is colossal effort. There are just certain times in our lives where we find a certain amount of gray area. That's why I think it's ultimately important to hold your integrity true to yourself. If you have an internal compass and place value on it's direction, you're never really lost.

Trust me...this is no high-championing of my virtuous existence. Cause God knows...

I've recently been afforded an opportunity to do something that I really genuinely want to do, but have refused to do so in order to spare someone's feelings. The same someone, who once presented with the same opportunity, did not spare mine.

It has nothing to do with holding moral high ground. It has everything to do with sleeping at night. Looking in the mirror and being able to look yourself in the eye, confident with what you're seeing.

Dammit.