Don't Forget That Lazarus Died Twice

It's funny when you've got nothing to sell,
How easy a woman can condemn you to rot in Hell.
Just as well.

Well, it's not for sale.
It never was.
It's mine.
I expect it always was.
And I believe it always will be.

She's sweet.
Or,
So I thought.
I'm slippery.
Can't be bought.
May not ever be caught.
In that way, anyway.

I disagree.
Wholeheartedly.
I don't "deserve to be alone."

Deserve.

What a tricky word.
A jilted woman is a tricky verb.
All action and anger.
Vicious slurs.
Hell hath no fury, is it?
Yes.
It is.

Too many movies does this.
That grand old story you just know will happen for you someday.
Everyone's tidy and nice, in their summer dresses and suits.
When the wind blows a sweet breeze,
Ground easy under their boots.
But take someone who doesn't get what they want;
Ahh, they'll show you the threads that stitch them all up.

Some kind of balcony confession.
Curtains I didn't ask for.
Befriending my friends.
Whiskey at my door.
Letters in the mail.
I get leery when you get clingy.
I get gone.
I go away.

In my perfect world, you're just there.
And it's nice.
In your perfect world,
Well...
I'm nowhere.
Can't be.
Won't be.

So arrange it some other way.
Merriment on the way to marry.
Some lucky fella to lay in a hammock with you,
And count the stars.
They're all blinking for you two,
And your love.

While you're at it,
Remember that Lazarus died twice.
And tell me now what you think about life.

So hold your tongue.
I bite back.
No way to act.
I'm sure your momma taught you that.
At least, she should've.
Maybe would've.
Could've.

Your ideas for my happiness,
They are not congruent.
One does not involve the other,
And one exists without the other.
"I just think you're going to miss out."
Well, if I do that, I guarantee you I will.
I'm doing what I'm doing so that I won't.

Don't talk to me about 6 years of yearn.
Show me your pile of ash,
Then take a peek at the villages and forests I've burned.

I believe you're missing the point.
I know what I want to a great-grand-silvery-white-blinding-diamond-tipped-razor-sharp-point.
And before I die, I'll reach for it and stretch for it and scream and cry, and flex and sweat and run and bleed, and grasp and claw and want and need, and wave and point and pull every bit of sinew and joint.

So whatever the hell was,
And whatever the hell would be,
Can rest easy in Hell.
Right where you want me.